Cusp



My High School's graduating classes theme was "on the cusp" - which was mostly to do with the fact we graduated in 2001. So the 1 danging around the cusp of the new century (2000) or whatever the thousands mean.

I guess that "on the cusp" means that we were transitioning from one thing to the other. This to ..that. Congratulations you have graduated. You are well on your way to whatever, is next. It was a coincidence that we were transitioning to the 1900's to the 2000's.

College? check. I had been in school from 5-25 - years old. 20 years? Is that enough? Do you want me to pop a vein? (haha) Does my intelligence relate to the amount of time someone else tells me what I should know?

I actually had a dream last night that was pretty significant - in relation to my other re-occurring dreams. My #1 most re-occurerant dream is that i'm either in a class room and don't' know what is going on or that i'm looking for a classroom i'm suppose to be in. I've had a dream like that almost 100 times in my life - literally. Last night in my dream I was going to a new school - which also happened to be the school I went to from first grade to 4th - but it was a college philosophy class. My Mom was trying to get me to sign up for it - and had talked to the teacher previously. The class had already started and I sat down and within 5 seconds I was done. My re-occurring dream of being in a class I had to pass - which i was either late for or didn't do my homework for - was done diddily fucking done. I told the teacher that I had had enough - in a very polite way. That I could learn everything they were teaching in that class - online in like 5 minutes. I had a breakdown in my dream - in front of the entire class - in a non - purposely dramatic way. I said in a mature and responsible way that I didn't need to be educated and that I was not going to be enrolling.

That may not seem like a big deal but for someone who has a re-occurring nightmare of being late for class, not being able to find a class, not doing the homework, and all of the above - I am finally at a place in my dream space that I can say "I don't want to take this class." or even more significantly

"I don't need to take this class." I could teach this class!

I am not a child, I am not in  a class room. I choose. I choose not to.

On the Cusp - oh man. You know what that was suppose to mean? way back when? That once you graduate High School and turn 18 - you move out. You are either on your own or your parents help you with college until you re-re graduate and are able to.

Marriage - half checked.

 I'm old enough, or mature enough to realize that "love" and relationships are in a whole separate realm than success and accomplishment.

The people who relate your well being to marriage and romance are just like the kind that count how many goats your family has for a dowry.

I don't know about you but I don't have any eggs and

I'm on the cusp of my life and i feel myself fighting against it. In the most weak format ever. I'm ready. I'm finally ready.

What else do you want from me, life?


This is the part that I break free
This is the part that I say I don't want it
I'm stronger than I've been before


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