In the previous version of the book I am refining I wrote an interjection about the difficulty of changing. That could very well be the biggest theme to all of the interjections but "The Others" is about an aspect of changing that is very specific and potentially the most difficult aspect to anyone changing in general.
|Discovering Da Vinci's Daughter|
It is hard enough to become someone new and better but it is even more tedious to do so when that change involves other people "the others". That is compounded when those other people mean a lot to you both personally and emotionally.
The majority of this past interjection (posted below) will probably stick around in the update but will also be expanded on. It was mostly about the emotional strife that comes with moving on with your life when others are not ready to follow. The next stage of that theme didn't evolve until my "Illusions of success" started to reveal themselves to be not just possible- but probable.
When I first started on all of this no one seemed to understand what I was doing or put much stock into it. They seemed to think I was crazy and living in some kind of fantasy world. (Which was admittedly true for a long while) They also thought that no-one would be interested in my book or what it was about and it was just a "niche" audience. Not realizing how popular Leonardo was, and how that trend is only increasing - and has especially been over the last few years.
BUT since then and through the course of mini- successes, along with a strew of immensely popular stories about Leonardo that were very similar to what my book is about, not only confirmed my confidence, but (mostly) theirs.
That is also when I started to realize not my own limitations, but theirs. I've learned that when someone says that someone can't do something, what they really mean is that they don't think that THEY can do something. The limiting expectations that I felt were being placed on me put me in an imaginary corner. It held me back and made me defensive but it also helped to try even harder. Both to "prove them wrong" But even more so -to push me forward.
I began to believe the opinions of others rather than I believing in myself. That has been a common theme throughout my life and I'm sure most of you reading this understand what i'm talking about. If you care about someone and if what they want to do will probably cause them to move on to do different things with their life - you may subconsciously or purposely try and sabatouge them. It could be something as mundane as going back to school or losing weight or getting a new job that would require that they travel. That insecurity can be absorbed by someone else and then make them doubt their decisions - even when they know full well it's what they really want to do and would be better for THEM. The problem is that it is possible that it won't be better for those around them who have become comfortable and contented with how they already were. "IF it isn't broken - don't fix it." But that is two sided in this scenario because it may only be broken for one side and sometimes the grass really is greener on the other side. But if the people on the side you're with now are fine with that shade of grass - they may not want you to go hopping any fences! They definitely won't want you to - without them.
I've spent, no, wasted a very significant amount of my time and effort trying to convince other people of the merit and value in what I am doing. Time and effort I could and SHOULD have been spent working on myself and my work. I was trying to be a better friend, boy friend, son, and a professional when what I needed to be doing was becoming a better person and writer.
The problem really stems from trying to make other people happy at a steep cost to yourself. I've tried to conform and compromise both my goals, how I write - and what I write about for this preconceived notion about what everyone else wants -everyone but me.
In regards to my writing specifically - as a great example - I began to listen to those who were uncomfortable with anyone writing anything out side of "the box". While writing about something that is like a research paper about something academic, I've found it difficult to be taken seriously. The dress, the style, of my writing is unconventional and seemingly uneducated. The superficiality and rules that govern traditional writing are not my intention. I do realize that and have to come to expect a certain amount of judgement for eccentric and erratic writting. I think anyone can be taught to write "properly" but I would rather do something different and unique. Purposely, breaking, "the rules", and rebelling against people's expectations about what I should or shouldn't do. I am not in a class room anymore! As long as I get across my points - and am understood, then the structure of my sentences, paragraphs, and books are not as relevant to me. Explaining why and how i've come to write in the way I do would take too much of both our time(s).
"That sentence is really long and complicated!?"
"You're not suppose to write that way!"
"Cause "they say so" its against the rules"
-Well, what if I, purposely, am doing something i'm not 'suppose' to?
I've also confused a lack of interest by those close to me for it being "un-interesting." Or put what they perceived to be unrealistic expectations as being universally unrealistic expectations. I would go so far to say that it's a competition between egos. A form of intellectual arrogance: That if they, or someone else can't understand or appreciate something - then it MUST mean that no one else would be able to either. Its also been arrogant and arbitrary to assume that anyone else thinks that they know anyone else better than they know themselves.
"Ain't it something y'all
When somebody tells you something about you
thinkin that they know you more than you do?
So you take it down, another pill to swallow."
But, of course this works both ways and its just as possible that my perceptions of these "others" are wrong. That i've used them as excuses to not move on because I am just as afraid of changing and losing them - as they might' be of losing me. I'm known for my ability to justify and make excuses for doing - or not doing - just about anything and everything.
Only Time will tell! The lesson i've learned and have yet to fully embrace or implement is to stop "talking the talk" and start "Walking the walk".
Actions do speak louder than words but that can become really complicated when my actions - are, in fact, writing words!
This was written in 2007 but unfortunately it still seems to apply and is only something i'm just now fully appreciating.
- "Something I find endlessly interesting and even more irritating is something I read in one of the first online books I bought. It was about how to make money online. It warned not about envious rivals but the people you are closest to. Everyone is afraid of change. Even if something better is presented, most people will decide to keep things exactly as they are. Sadly this has been the hardest lesson I’ve learned. It’s something that I coincidentally read about first - but understood last.
- Sometimes you’re not the problem. Sometimes someone else is. As much as you like to give credit where credit is due, it’s a hard lesson to believe in yourself over the words of others. It’s amazing how one specially placed comment can destroy something that’s taken everything you had to believe in. As Carrie Underwood says:
- “Sometimes you have to let go of the things you loved to get to the other side. Sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye.”
- During the course of writing this book and trying to do something new with my life I’ve come across some unexpected opposition. Mainly everyone I was close to. Even though there were only 3 people I even talked to on a regular basis, I didn’t realize how little I had in common with them. Even though you love someone, doesn’t mean you have to like everything about them. Even though you get along with someone, doesn’t mean that they get you. The hardest part about change is when the people close to you, aren’t ready to change too. You don’t want to leave them, it seems like you can’t, but after a while you know you have to. If the course in your life takes a path they don’t want to follow – you have to let them go or remain unchanged. It’s not easy but it always seems to come down to a decision between yourself and someone else. I choose poorly and set myself back badly. Letting go is hard, but most great things you can do have to be done alone.
- You’ll feel like you’re doing something wrong, as if you’re actually betraying someone for not following their opinions or catering to their emotions. You’ll finally believe that it comes down to deciding what you love more – what you want to do, or the people you have to leave behind to do it. But that would be kinda selfish, wouldn’t it? To let someone make you believe that what you want is wrong? Something to remember is that it’s about them as well. Conversely, the love they claim your leaving is for them to consider themselves. Sometimes when you love someone, you have to be able to let them go. Love isn’t about one person, but something shared between two people. Sometimes you have to let love go to know if it can stand the test of time. The judge and jury of true love and infatuation. Or put more simply; if someone cares about you, they’ll care about you and not just “us” or what they want you to be. They’ll love you for you, even if that’s someone who needs change, someone who needs more.
- It was in the course of my explosion of ideas and intense writing that something rather strange happened. I know a lot of the previous stuff was pretty strange itself but that was really based on emotions and dealing with too much too fast. Everything previously was like dealing with something equivalent to a quarter life crisis. Career, money, relationship, parental, and personal stuff. – I mean to say that it wasn’t anything unique or strange. Just a guy who was finding out who he was and finally getting and accepting his problems. Put bluntly; having to go fucking crazy to find my sanity. I looked in the mirror and decided I would be who I wanted to be, not what I thought everyone else wanted."
"And they come away with a great little story of a mess of a dreamer, with the nerve to adore them."