People, Perceptions, Potential
I guess subconsciously I decide they are not interesting or don't hold my attention. It's not really something you can control, we do it when we're channel surfing or walking through crowds. Or looking at people online.
- Something specific: (indifferent) their hair, their clothes, their car, their jewelry, -anything that stands out but you don't really have an opinion if it's good or bad.
- Something negative: they are obese, they have a limp, tattoos, piercings, their clothes, dyed hair - whatever it is. This can be subjective obviously. You notice them because of something thats a negative - to you.
- Something positive: they are attractive, they have a nice body, they are dressed nice, tattoos. This attraction can either be romantic, sexual, or simply fascinating.
I "let myself go" I grew a long beard, I shaved my head, I purposely gained weight, I didn't keep up with my grooming, I only wore pjs, I drank way too much, I started smoking cigarettes, - I basically did everything possible to prove that I didn't care about appearances - or at least my appearance. It was a "fuck it" attitude.
I was like; "Well i'm really good at being 'bad' and it's not really making me feel better. Lets put the same effort into being 'good' and see what happens!"
One of the biggest questions I ask myself (and others) is if lovers, the one, soul mates, etc. Are an essential part of life. A lot of people will tell you that their life's main purpose is to find someone to marry and have kids with. The rest is less relevant and takes a back seat to that. It's as if they couldn't be fully happy or complete/ contented without that deep and romantic love in their lives. Is that true? Is that true for everyone? I'm walking the line and leaning a little more to the side that it's a distraction or potentially fun past time. Not an essential part of our existence or the purpose of life.
“I find the notion of romantic love to be an unnecessary cultural construct that adds no value to human relationships."— Amy Farrah Fowler from the "Big Bang Theory"
The other side thinks that relationships are detrimental to getting their work done. That what they are doing is more important than how someone else makes them feel. Lets say you're trying to cure a disease or becoming a better surgeon. Would coddling someone else's emotions and remembering anniversaries and making sure you text them enough or worrying if they are cheating or if they are deleting your dvr shows be more important than your work? Something that could help a lot of people? Because lets face is, relationships can be like a job all by themselves and sometimes even like raising needy children.
Its hard enough to take care of my two birds, cat, and dog! I have to worry if Chance is hanging out with the bad neighbor hood kitty that taught him how to jump the fence. I have to make sure the birds cage is clean and remember to feed them. I have to make sure Spencer goes outside enough so she doesn't pee on the carpet. I have to walk her or she'll drive me crazy. I have to make sure she doesn't trip me. AND Its not just the time it takes from my day, it's the mind/emotions/ love that they take. I care about them and want them to be happy, so I have to give them attention - more than just the food water shelter essentials. I care about THEIR emotions, and I worry about them. What do I get back? Well, they look cute and amuse me. Thats about it. Are they more trouble than they are worth - probably. They serve no purpose. But here's the real question: It's not, would my life be easier without them. Its:
Would my life be BETTER without them?
hmmm. I think they enhance my life. They can be annoying as hell, a lot of the time, I have to worry about them dying (Spencer is 14) Chance is leaving the yard, the birds could fly away. But they make me happy more often than not. They also don't take enough of my mental resources away from my "work" to hinder it.
Would my life be better with someone new? Would it enhance my life? Would it interfere with my work?