No, my problem isn't, and has never been writing. I never look blankly at a screen and don't know what to type. I'm not writing fiction, I don't have to come up with an idea or character or clever dialog.
The issue I've had with my book isn't coming up with an ending. It's not typing. It's not creativity. It's not even, as I've always thought it was - motivation. It's the mechanics behind what I found.
I know what it is. I know why it's there. I know who did it. I know when it was made. What I don't know is HOW it was made.
I ask myself constantly: "Is it really this complicated, was Da Vinci really that smart?"
When you write a research paper for school it's pretty easy. You read what other people have written about the subject, put it in your own words, make sure it's written right, and turned in on time.
It's like building a house. There is the work, the labor - the actual process of hammering and painting. (The typing/ writing)
Then there is the Design, picking the colors, making it look nice and decorating it. That's the creativity and customization.
Then during that process problems arise. Lets say you want to build it in a tree, or underground. Something where there really isn't a precedent for it. You have to figure out HOW to make it work. You can't just go and start building it, you can't even really start to decorate it until you know what your designing for. You can't finish it until you come up with a solution. With an answer to the question. HOW?
And that's my problem. When Einstein was coming up with his theory of Relativity, it was a theory. He knew it was most likely real. He just didn't know the equation. The answer to the idea he had. He couldn't force it to happen even if he wanted to. He couldn't even really work really hard at it.
It's one of those things that "comes to you" through random events when you least expect.
It's like trying to figure out a mathematical problem. I look at most math as if it's another language - which it is. If you presented me with an advanced math problem no matter how long I stared at it, I couldn't answer it. If you held a gun to my head, it still wouldn't happen. "I don't know how!"
So when people ask me what's taking so long. I would ask them to write a detailed 400 page research paper on how to build a space ship to travel to the moon. Is it possible? Yes. Could you do it? Yes. Would it take a looong time? Yes!
When I first started on my book I already knew how to write. (I didn't know how to write a book though) I didn't know anything about Da Vinci. I didn't know anything about art, or perspective, or perception, or optics, or the human vision system. I've had to learn all of these things along the way.
What's funny is that I knew the ending before I even began. When you conceive of something, you've already experienced it in a way. I've never really doubted my theory. I just didn't know how to explain it. I didn't know how it worked.
I know how to use a computer, but I dont know exactly how all the metals, plastics, and silicon in a little box under my desk allows me to post this blog?! I can use wifi, but I have absolutely no idea how whole movies can play on my tv in the other room via netflix and my wii?? It's a mystery to me, really.
I've spent more time than I would care to remember these past five years questioning my sanity. I've kept my life on pause. I haven't really had much fun. I've lost everything and everyone in the process.
But with that ranting ramble out of the way, It's time to Rave!
I'm closer than I've ever been to figure it out. I know FOR SURE, it's really there. Its like when people theorized there were these things called "Germs" but couldn't prove it until they could see them in a microscope...
Lets just say I was right about the Germs, and I'm almost done with my microscope. Then you can see for yourself.