So i dont know if it's because i've watched 100 episodes of grey's anatomy in two weeks or.. what, but I think there's something wrong with me.

I am not a hypochondriac at all, I bite my nails, germs don't phase me, i've never gotten really sick or seriously injured. I'm about as healthy as they come.

But today I was sitting outside reading and smoking and drinking.. and all of the sudden I felt this weird feeling in my left arm. Towards the top of my wrist. It felt like I could feel my blood pumping through my arm.. I could feel the exact spot and vein where it was pumpin. It felt kinda tingly, and happened about every 10 seconds or less. I was like, wtf? then I looked at it and right where i felt it there was a vein and in the next few minutes it got bigger - so i knew it wasn't just my imagination. Literally, It felt like i could feel the blood pumping through the vein and then it got more pronounced and looked like i had just done 100 push ups and the vein was sticking out, but not all of them, just the one i could feel...

My life didn't flash before my eyes or anything but my stomach sank and I texted my best friend to come over if she got a 911 text from me. I was literally that scarred! I've never had anything like that happen to me before. I really started to panic, i imagined that there was a blood clot in my wrist that was about to travel to my brain and kill me. I'm serious.

So I smoked another cigarette and tried to ignore it, but my wrist kept pulsating every few seconds... I rubbed it and pretended I had magical healing powers, "Derek, this is your body and whatever this is you're going to heal it right now!"

So I poured myself another drink and bleached the kitchen floor to distract me.. I didn't notice it as much but my arm was still pumping blood to my hand in a way i could actually feel.. I actually sharpied a line on my wrist where the vein was popping out and the time so the doctors would have as much information as possible..

And now i'm sitting here typing this, blood-wrist-clot and all and it's gone away. I still feel a weird sensation right where it was but now it could just be my mind f&cking with me. But I know for sure that it wasn't just my mind before cause the vein where i felt it was literally raised a few centimeters from my wrist!

This has really made me consider my mortality and I feel like I should express my last wishes in case whatever happened in my wrist travels to my brain and or heart and kills me.

  1. Mom, I love you
  2. Carrie, get the doctors to siphon my balls and impregnate you. You gotta name him or her Ambrose. If there is any left over spread that sh#t around and propagate the Bair dna!
  3. Publish all my crazy/genius writings - someone someday will appreciated it.
  4. In case I dont actually die I definitely want to be re·sus·ci·tate. I dont care if i'm a "vegetable" My favorite part of life is dreaming and if i could lay in a bed indefinitely and have something breathe for me, feed me, and change my diapers I'm totally ok with that. I promise i'll wake up again someday.
  5. If i actually die, do not cremate me or donate my organs. I want to be buried under a tree, with no other dead bodies around me. I want my grave stone to read "there is no ending, only the beginning of something else."
  6. If at all possible freeze and clone me. I would love to wake up someday and see a twined me.
  7. Clone Spencer too, it's only 50k$ and bury her next to me. She would like that
  8. Tell Carrie Underwood that she's my favorite person in the world
  9. Remember that 1/2 the stuff i've written was when I was inebriated and wasn't meant to be read by anyone but me..
  10. and last of all, if I really die, i'm ok with it and if there is any way to come back and haunt you, I will.

And my wrist is still pulsating....
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