What's most funny about the post on "Denial" Is how I can go back and read it and think - wow i'm crazy, and -wow i'm so right at the same time.
Interesting note about my blog and book. I am NOT an editor.
I write with the motto " Write drunk - revise sober" but I hardely ever revise...
And when I think about why. Besides being lazy. Is that I learned to write by keeping journals. Things i wrote to myself that no one else was ever going to read or judge. Like writing a paper in schooll that the teacher wont grade. You can write whatever you want, and anything you want. And there is no one to tell you if it's good or bad. A or F.
So when you read this, or pretty much anything write. Remember. I dont know what i'm saying. When someone in an english class gets a paper. Usually they have to write anything between 2-10 pages. And usually - they get 2-6months to write it.
And thats not typing for 6 months. If you type 50 words a min, you could finish the paper in only hours - not months. The time you're given is for editing and researching and all that. I've done that too. It's a bitch.
When I write. I sit down. I have no directions. I dont know what i'm going to say or even where it comes from. I just write whatever goes through my mind. I have no idea how it gets there or how i'm even typing this.
I've been re-re-re-re-reading my own book the last two days. Honestly i was impressed with myself. I literally couldn't put my own book down. I thought to myself - do i like this because I wrote it, or is it because it's really interesting?
I reallllly thought about it, and I reallly think that it's reallly good. I cried, i laughed, I felt inspired, and it made me feel good. Reading my journals doesn't do that - very rarely. I write about the things I would least like to remember - more than the good things.
But unlike what i'm writing right now, and what i write in my journals. It's edited. I went back and read and CHANGED it. I'm used to writing the truth. The things that happened in a particular order. This happened. Then this happened. I dont go back and edit my journals. That would be like writing fiction. I can add to them, but to change the words as they were written doesn't make sense. They are documenaries from my mind.
In my journals there are pleanty of sections i would go back and cross out. The same goes with my book and blog. But why should I? This is not a classroom. This is my world. And you can read it or leave!
If there is anything i've learned about myself - or anyone else. Is that you say and write shit that you dont mean later. I can look back and be like "omg i can't believe i said that" but that doesn't change that it happened!
I just spent over and hour talking to my Mom about what the opposite of "denial" was. We seriously couldn't figure it out. I was trying to explain it in one way. And she didn't get what I was trying to say.
Lets see if i can explain it?
There is Denial. Which is when people do something they think is bad, and tell themseves that it's good.
Then there is ____ which is when people do something they think is bad, but is really good.
If someone cheats on their wife cause _____ however they justify it - they are doing something they know is "bad" that they "shouldn't" but they do it anyways. Then say whatever makes it ok. Denial is when someone does something they know is bad, but convince themselves doesn't make them bad for doing it.
The word i'm trying to find is it's opposite. When someone thinks something is bad, and they are bad - but really isn't. What is that called?
Knowledge, understanding, confusion, Naivety, These were all mentioned. But what I was getting at was the word that describes when you reallly think you're wrong, and you're not. Before you realize or doubt that you're wrong - when you still think you're wrong.
What is that?
After hours of conversations and contemplation I thought of:
"Is the act of convincing another to believe information that is not true, or not the whole truth as in certain types of half-truths.
Deception involves concepts like propaganda, distraction and/or concealment. Fiction, while sometimes manipulative, is not a deception unless it is portrayed as partially truthful or as the whole truth.
In many cases it is difficult to distinguish deception from providing unintentionally wrong information. One of the reasons for this is that a person or an entire organization may be self-deceived.
Self deceived would be - denial. The opposite would be deception.
If I do something I think is wrong - and really isn't wrong. I am deceived. Why? Well, why do i think that what I did is wrong? - Because someone else says it is.
The gay preacher who says he isn't. Who is in denial. A child molesting "father"
The moral man who thinks being gay is wrong, and doesn't do anything they think is wrong. But thinks they are bad cause they are gay. They don't deny that they are gay, they know they are, but think it's wrong.
They are wrong in a different way than the preacher does. Because one is lying to themselves and one isn't. The preacher says and thinks it's "wrong" to be gay. But has sex with men anyways. The other guy knows he is gay, and thinks it's wrong - but doesn't do anything about it. Then eventually realizes he was wrong in thinking he was WRONG.
Eventually, when he gets out of denial, the preacher realizes he was WRONG for thinking he was right. That is the difference.
Denial - Reality - Deception
Reality is knowing what is right and wrong, and knowing exactly what you're doing. "This is wrong but i'm going to do it anyways" Reality is knowing what's good and bad. It's the confusion between the two. It's not picking sides. This could be good, this could be bad. But you dont come to either conclusion.
Denial is coming to the conclusion you're doing something right.
Deception is coming to the conclusion you're doing something wrong.
Reality is coming to the conclusion that they are both wrong.
If Denial is black, then ____ is white. I'm not talking about the grey.
I've talked about this with quite a few people now. I was surprised they actually understood what I was getting at. But even more surprised that they couldn't think of the word. I don't think it's "Deception" Because thats something someone else does to you. It's the word when you believe in that deception.
It could be very possible that there isn't a word for this. Which would be very cool!
If anyone can think of what this word would be, comment away.